It is not you, it is me

I was having my favorite meal in Mac D at around 11:30 pm and there was nobody else in the entire place. I like to be alone at times, with no one to talk to, no one looking or staring at me. I could be messy when I eat and do not have to care about tomato slipping off my burger when I try to have a bite of it. The only problem was that most parts of the shop was dark and the only place I was sitting was lit. The counter where they serve food was partially lit and there was only one worker. 

I was enjoying my burger when I got a ping from someone who had sent me a friends request about some months back. 

I looked at my phone and it said, "One message from Rossy Angel(Not her real name)." Rossy, was really a hot girl with curly long hair, fair complexion and a perfect body. I was more than happy to read her message and it said, "It has been one month since we are chatting. I think we should meet." I was more than happy. 

Couple of days back she had said to me that she really liked me but I was not expecting her to be that straight to me and ask to meet her. I thought I would reply in the morning as I did not wanted to look as if I am desperate. 

I went back to eat my burger when I hear someone moaning. If it was day, I would not have cared much about it as I didn't want to divert my attention off the tasty burger. But, it was night ,and I was alone. The darkness in the shop was enough to divert my attention towards it. 

I looked at the counter to check for that one worker but even he had gone off to washroom I guess. So I looked into the dark where the moaning was coming from. I couldn't actually make out if it was someone crying or someone making out in the dark. 

For a moment I thought to myself, "It must be the worker and his girlfriend." I would not deny I thought it could be a ghost as well. But then I thought he would not moan and it would be funny to have a scary ghost sound that way. Even devil would have some respect of his own. So, I thought to approach whoever it was slowly. I figured out very quickly that moving slowly would make less noise, and if someone is really making out then they would not get disturbed. Slowly but steadily the figure started to take shape, and I saw a man holding his head down on the table and crying. 

I went up to him and said, "Is everything all right?"

He looked up and said, "No, I am screwed. My life is screwed." 

I said, "Is it you Ravi?" 

Ravi, was my college friend whom I have not met for ages now. Ravi, was a very handsome hunk with really good physic and one of the best looking boy of our college. Any girls dream boy friend. I would have to admit most of the boys did envy him. 

Ravi asked, "Yes. Are you Vinay?" 

I replied, "Yes. You look so different now." 

Ravi had become fat and had lost most of his hair. As soon as I said it, I realized I should not have said it.

Ravi replied, "Yes. You mean I am no longer a hunk and lost most of my hair." 

I replied sluggishly, "No. That is not what I meant. So, how are you and why are you crying?" 

He replied, "It is not me. It is her." 

I said, "Oh, it is about a girl." 

He said, "Yes. She dumped me." 

I said, "Is she Rupali?" 

Rupali, was one of the beauty queens of our college. She had the most beautiful eyes, deep and seductive. Her long hair bounced off her hip as she walked ever so gracefully and her smile, so innocent and addictive. You could see her smile all day and yet not get bored of it. You can see how much I was impressed off her. 

Ravi replied, "No, we mutually separated just after our college as we had different plans in life." 

I asked, "Then who?" 

Ravi said, "Rukmani." 

My jaws might have touched the ground. I am not sure if I showed him any signs of shock. Rukmani was a girl with round face and short hair. She was the stalker from whom Ravi use to run away. Even if she was miles away, he use to drag Rupali, his girlfriend then, in a different direction. 

I thought to myself, "Ravi, might have been really desperate to have her as his girlfriend." 

Ravi looking at my shocked face said, "She is different now. She is almost my size and is caring and a confident woman." 

I asked, "So why did she dump you if she cared about you so much?" 

He said, "Because, it is not me but it is her." 

It took some time for me to register that and after a while I said, "You mean it is not you but her." 

He started to cry louder and said, "Yes, it is not me it is her. That is what she said." 

Now, I was really feeling bad for him as that is the most common but insane line to break up with anyone.

I said, "So you mean it is not you why she broke up with you, but it is her shit that she could not handle so she broke up with you." 

He could sense my irritation and said, "Yes. You are right." 

I said, "Actually, to be honest, I cannot simply understand this line. I mean how can someone dump someone because they are mad on themselves. It is like -my boss is harassing me, and I cannot kick his ass so let me dump my boyfriend or girlfriend and have fun with them. I mean whoever came up with this excuse is a genius. No explanation, no fight just say it is not you, it is me and you are off the hook, off all the fights and proving what is wrong in your partner that you are leaving them." 

He said, "I do not know what to do now. I was with her for seven years now, and I was planning to start a family with her, I am 31 now and no one would marry a big fatty, bald guy like me and how would I forget her? I think she found someone else." 

I said, "She is right man. You have nothing to be worried about. It is not you, it is her and I am not trying to make fun off you. She dumped you for someone else because she thought he is better than you. She would find someone else tomorrow who is better than him and she could never settle for anyone. On the other hand, you are matured, a different person clearly and a person who values relationship. Just forget about her, you would get many and believe me the man she left you for would realize it one day and leave her as well." 

He said, "But, I cannot take her out of my mind." 

I said little irritated, "You must be kidding me. After what she has done to you, you must be burning her photo and throwing it in the wash basin. I know it is easily said then done, but without giving a proper reason she just left you after seven years." 

He said, "She was so nice to me. I am sure it must be the new guy who talks with her for long hours. Whenever I try to call her, I get a busy tone. Why could not I see it coming? He must have brained washed her." 

I said, "Do you know who that person is?" 

He said, "No." 

Now, my detective side took over and I asked, "Can you check her Facebook friends list? I am sure he must be her friend." 

He opened up his mobile went into her profile and checked her friends list but did not find anyone suspicious, apart from one.

He asked me, "Are you friends with Rukmani on Facebook?" 

I replied, "I have added most of our college friends, but I am not in touch with many of them." 

I tried searching her name in my friends list but could not find her and asked Ravi, "If you can tell me her Facebook profile name then I can chat with her and try to get that information for you." 

Ravi said, "Rossy Angel." 

I said to myself, "WTF. Why me? First of all I don't get it after so many years why did I run into him in a Mac D that also so late. Even if I did why did his girlfriend break up with him for me. I wanted to say to him that it is not you it is me. I fucking get it. I fucking get what it means. It is really not you it is me.

Now, I believe in all those Hindi movies where co-incidentally everything happens. Shit Happens."