Human Race

I woke up this morning, and something happened that made me write this blog. I realized that it was 2019.
Yes, it took me almost a month and a half to realize that 2018 has gone, and we were in 2019.
That is how much fast we are running.
We are running so fast to keep up with others that we don't even realize how much time has passed since the last time we took time for ourselves.
 
I was always been skeptical about why we refer to a grouping of humans based on shared physical or social qualities as the human race. And the reason why I feel it is called a human race is different than the actual meaning. It has a more psychological aspect than a physical one.

I believe we are really in a race to be mightier, more wealthy, more successful, running behind a loved one, and so on. The reason might be different, but we are all in a race. And in this race, I wanted to take a time off. Like forget about the bills, forget about the remaining work at the office, forget about buying gifts for valentines. I mean, literally everything.

I took a day off from office to retrospect on my life, and it's so disheartening that it had to come down to this. I am not trying to be over-dramatic, but it saddens me that it takes such a step to enjoy the moment you live in. I soon realized lousy habits are not easily lost. I took the first step of being alone at the house to do something I like. That is to write, but I soon realized that I was not doing it. I started my day by watching television and was about to pick up my phone to play PUBG when I realized that this is why I don't remember anything. I don't remember the time that has gone by. To have a sense of time, you have to do something to remember it. What I remember of the last year is going to work, coming from work, watching Netflix, Playing PUBG, paying bills, and eating to survive. If you replay this part of my life, about 365 times, that is my last year to you. Yep, I slipped in a marriage in that routine as well.

I use to remember a year by the number of treks I had gone, the number of blogs I had written, the number of books I was writing and nearing to publish, number of dreams I am trying to fulfill. I even tried to ask myself, "Am I even leaving the life that I want or just trying to fill in the shoes of a successful man with high Salary and to work for a brand company?" 

I remember the words once my mother said, "I am not sure why you keep looking for new jobs. There might be millions of people who would die to be in your position." And somehow that statement did trouble or kind of screw my head. I mean here I was earning good, working for a brand company millions of people would die to work in, and yet I am not happy. But that is what this race does to you. It screws your mind and tries to deflect from what you want and what others want.

I had seen a movie, "Into the wild." and there were many people who felt it was stupid, idiotic, and unmatured behavior. There were many other teenagers inspired by it and died subsequently. To our matured brains, it seems silly to die in the woods, which he loved to live in. But somehow, this mature brain is not able to comprehend the way we are dying each day by not living the way that we want to. How many of us are working in a job that we hate, not in a relationship just because the society does not approve of it and not able to leave a relationship just because we feel it is immoral to do that. And to our little-matured brains, it is just fine. It is not stupid, idiotic, or unmatured at all. Right now, for me, that guy who lived his dream for only 100 days might be worth leaving more than a guy who leaves 100 years in a bad relationship or work that he does not want to be.

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put, to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."
Henry David Thoreau

And I am fearing that most of us are going to die without even living it. I am not saying get yourself killed doing something you love. But it is worth more than dying living something you didn't like at all.
I remember the blog that I once wrote about a small boat and realized the fire to beat the norm, to live the way I wanted to, was dying out on me. My friend, who was desperately trying to put my dreams down, was being proven right. That is when I said, "No. I am a writer and would be a writer for the rest of my life. No matter if I make it big or not. No one can take that away from me. So you are going to read a lot of blogs and books from me. No matter what. I am not going to run away from it and think it is just a passion and not a profession. You know why? "
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can cause an explosion
I am not in the race. Not because I fear of losing, but because I fear that even if I win it, I would not remember who all ran with me, and all the things I had to miss to finish first is not even worth it. Because in the end, I don't want to regret not leaving life the way I wanted it.
So, are you still in this race to be what someone else wants you to be? Well, I hope at least you enjoy it.