What I want from life?

It's hard to decipher life and, most importantly, what you want in life, or if I can be more demanding than what I need from life—a little background on my childhood. I was the quietest and shy guy in the school. Well, I tried to break open my shyness in college and fly. Fly away from the shyness, but something was holding me back.

I did not realize what it was then, but when I look back now, I know it was not just shyness. It was my fear of being judged. Like not proposing the first girl I fell in love with. I use to see her sit on the bench just beside me. I am not sure if it was love or infatuation. I was too small at that time. But I cried a lot in the dark when my parents moved to a different place in Mumbai, and I had to attend another school. I think it was her two ponytails and her acknowledgment of me around her that attracted me towards her the most. I was a quiet, shy guy, and yet she looked and smiled at me every day. She was a beautiful girl, even the big guys of our school use to come in the break to talk to her. But she used to neglect them as if to let them know that she already likes someone else. Of course, it is my story, so I always felt it was me whom she wanted and as stupid as it may sound, it would forever remain that way for me. She might not even know that I loved her so much, but I did.

The fifth crush of mine was in engineering, and I had a good boy image. How was I supposed to propose a girl? What would others think about me? What if that girl broadcasts it to everyone in the college? What if I would be removed from the college for harassing a girl? What if they put me in jail? Yes, I did think about extremes. I am not saying I have changed a lot since then. My 8th crush in the office still doesn't know about it. Wait, she knows about it, but she might be tired of waiting for me to ask her out.

But, I realize it is pure stupidity not to act stupid sometimes. Not think an adult at all. And writing did help me in breaking my shackles and express myself freely. For once, I stopped thinking about what others thought about me. I realized it didn't matter as long as I didn't let it.

Back to what I want from life

Truth being said, I don't know, and it might just happen that I would never know about it. So what are we chasing in this life? It took me some time to realize that it is only happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. It's just happiness is different for different people. I am not going to tell you anything that you don't know, but I realized sometimes in life you need to remind yourself about the things that you already know but have forgotten about it.

Does it really matter? Your ego, bad day at the office, lousy increment, broken heart, lost friend, divorce, the stupid dance, the lost match, the rejections. When the light flashes in your eyes for the last time, and you replay your life back, you would not remember the rejections or the stupid increments. You would regret the love you never showered, the girl you didn't ask for a dance, the parties you missed, the dreams you did not chase, the business you didn't start, the world trip you did not go, your child's first words and the ponytail girl's hand you never held. I am no guru, nor am I a priest, nor am I teacher, but I am a believer, I am a good learner. And all that I have learned from life is; life is just a piece in time, your time, which coincides with mine, and it's short, concise, so don't take it seriously. Don't make the same mistake as mine of taking it too seriously. Just chill and make some stupid mistakes and have the heart to laugh on them. It needs lots of strength to make a mistake, but it requires even more courage to laugh at it.

If today I need to tell you something and even if it is a small thing, then it would be to make a mistake, but don't make the mistake of not making any mistake. In the end, you would have many things to laugh about and tell your grandchildren. Be young, be stupid, and make lots of mistakes. It's life, and it doesn't hesitate to try out different things. You never know what stuff you would make you happy.

What do I want from life? I don't know, but I know that writing makes me happy, and that is all I would be doing for some time, at least till it makes me happy. Life is short, and so it's stupid to worry about fame, money and so on. Just be happy, and you will find a way for all the other things. Stop reading and do that one thing, which might be your discovery of happiness. Don't forget to try new things and make lots of mistakes. If you think it was a mistake to read this blog. Well, it's just your bad luck. Try something else, but do try. Bye for now. I assure you, I would be back when I would be down again in life and need to vent it out. Am I flying? If you are reading this, it means I am. I am officially a writer now. One of my small dreams, and I don't care about what you think about my little speech. I have broken that shackles and flying much higher than the sky. You know what dreams don't need wings; it needs hope's to fly. I am hopeful. Are you? If not, it means you are taking life too seriously. Just chill.